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	Festivity Level 1: Your guests are chatting amiably with each
other, admiring your Christmas-tree ornaments, singing carols around
the upright piano, sipping at their drinks and nibbling hors
d'oeuvres.
	Festivity Level 2: Your guests are talking loudly -- sometimes
to each other, and sometimes to nobody at all, rearranging your
Christmas-tree ornaments, singing "I Gotta Be Me" around the upright
piano, gulping their drinks and wolfing down hors d'oeuvres.
	Festivity Level 3: Your guests are arguing violently with
inanimate objects, singing "I can't get no satisfaction," gulping down
other peoples' drinks, wolfing down Christmas tree ornaments and
placing hors d'oeuvres in the upright piano to see what happens when
the little hammers strike.
	Festivity Level 4: Your guests, hors d'oeuvres smeared all over
their naked bodies are performing a ritual dance around the burning
Christmas tree.  The piano is missing.

	You want to keep your party somewhere around level 3, unless
you rent your home and own Firearms, in which case you can go to level
4.  The best way to get to level 3 is egg-nog.

Brain Feed
BBC News - Home
The latest stories from the Home section of the BBC News web site.

Capello quits as England manager Fabio Capello resigns as England manager, the Football Association confirms. Homs suffers 'heaviest' shelling Syrian opposition groups say the city of Homs has come under the heaviest shelling in days, despite the president's pledge to engage in dialogue. Redknapp cleared of tax evasion Harry Redknapp says his "nightmare" is over after being cleared of tax evasion along with Milan Mandaric. Rare Mars meteorite for science A Martian meteorite, an incredibly rare object, is given to the Natural History Museum, London, to help unravel the secrets of the Red Planet. Coogan reaches hacking settlement Comedian Steve Coogan and ex-footballer Paul Gascoigne are among the latest people to have settled their claims for damages over News of the World phone hacking. Government defeat over NHS bill The government loses the first of a series of votes in the House of Lords on its controversial plans to overhaul the NHS in England. UK denies militarising Falklands Downing Street denies claims by Argentina that it is "militarising the South Atlantic", in a dispute about the Falkland Islands. RBS boss: I considered resigning Royal Bank of Scotland chief executive Stephen Hester tells the BBC he briefly considered resigning during the uproar over his bonus. Police hold 213 in raids on gangs More than 200 people are arrested during raids across London by the Metropolitan Police's new dedicated unit tackling gang crime. Guido Fawkes 'made lawyers chase' The man behind political website Guido Fawkes tells how he posted material using hosting sites around the world to avoid legal action. MSPs pass £30bn Scottish budget MSPs have approved the Scottish government's £30bn budget in a Holyrood vote which saw 70 members backing it and 52 members rejecting it. A380 wing crack checks extended Checks are ordered on all Airbus A380 superjumbos after cracks were found in wing components, extending an earlier safety ruling covering 20 planes. Fire destroys TV chef's kitchens A fire badly damages the cookery school kitchens at TV chef Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall's River Cottage in Axminster. America and Asia 'will join up' Researchers say most of the world's continents will merge somewhere over the Pacific "ring of fire" in 50-200 million years. VIDEO: Fake rhino attempts zoo escape A zoo in Tokyo has been simulating animal escapes in order to practice their emergency drills. Nokia to carry out 4,000 job cuts Finnish mobile phone maker Nokia announced the details of 4,000 job losses on Wednesday at plants in Hungary, Mexico and Finland. Care provider in new debt talks The UK's largest care provider, Four Seasons, is in talks to find money to refinance its debts, but it denies union claims it is in financial difficulty. Nudge theory trials 'are working' Initial trials suggest millions of pounds could be saved by using "nudge" theories to encourage people to pay taxes and fines, UK officials say. Livingstone in 'gay Tories' row Conservative MPs call for Labour's candidate for London mayor, Ken Livingstone, to apologise for saying their party is "riddled" with homosexuals. Gene therapy 'gave me sight back' Three US citizens who lost their sight in childhood have reported a dramatic improvement in vision after having gene therapy in both eyes. Bug found in more hospital taps Pseudomonas is detected in water outlets in the neonatal units at three more hospitals in Northern Ireland. Cable stands by fair access chief Business Secretary Vince Cable is in a political stand off after his nomination for the university access chief was turned down by MPs. University-led PGCE under threat University-based training courses for secondary school teachers are facing an uncertain future, after hundreds were identified as "potentially unviable". Regional cybercrime hubs launched Three new regional police hubs for investigating cybercrime are launched across England. Apple seeks revised patent rules A letter from Apple's legal team reveals that the firm wants Europe to revise rules covering patents that are essential to industry standards.

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Someday man should learn how to enjoy liberty without license, nourishment without gluttony, and pleasure without debauchery. Self-control is a better human policy of behavior regulation than is extreme self-denial.

My jokes are so lame I shot my horse.